Bring on The Chaos
Growing up as the youngest of four, I was born into organized chaos. I want to stress the organized because my parents did a good job at keeping all their ducks in a row. But no matter how you spin it, three boys and a girl calls for chaos. There are way more dog piles, interruptions, giggles and farts then your average household. I didn’t know it any other way and so I grew up loving the chaos.
I now thrive under chaos. Perhaps that’s why I’m such an incredible mess. We’ll go with that as the answer. When things get lackadaisical, I go a little stir crazy. When things are spinning every which direction, I feed on the energy.
Enter our own little family. Two littles, 18 months apart, is chaotic. There are way more diapers, temper tantrums, hugs and snuggles than you average household.
Recently, Josie and Grace have begun to play with each other. I find myself more and more with a solid ten minutes of quiet time as they recede into their own play worlds together.
Just as things inch towards the lackadaisical at home, I find myself pregnant!! And with the snap of a finger, or the pee on a stick, we’re back in the realm of chaos.
While I’m nervous for handling three kids, 3 1/2 years and younger, in the end, it’ll just be more chaos. And I think that makes us really damn lucky.
There will be another dancer; another ball player; another storyteller; another bike rider; another joke teller; another personality; another unique child to love. And this time we get to experience a boy!!
I’ve always known I wanted a big family. I just never believed I would get it.
The special thing is that Graham didn’t always know he wanted a big family. When we were dating, I said that I wanted four kids and he said that he wanted two. But after Graham became a father for the first time, he was so in love that he wanted more. When Grace came along he was so happy with two that he wanted more. I find that beautiful that he loved being a dad so much he wanted to continue to add to the crew. Although, he too, never thought a third child would actually happen.
When we had Josie, the fertility Dr.’s stressed concern for us getting a second child. I have a low egg count and unfortunately there is nothing you can do about that. When we conceived Grace, our Dr told us how the odds were against us for that happening; we had a less then 10% chance of conceiving naturally. After Grace, we just thought we’d see what happened but told ourselves not to get emotionally invested. Low and behold, 17 months later, we beat the odds again. And here I sit, writing a pregnancy post for the third time in 3.5 years. Just as the other two times, I still am in disbelief that we can be so lucky.
I keep picturing myself absolutely covered in my little chillens and that brings a huge smile to my face. Bring on the blessed, brilliant, beautiful chaos.
Photo by Pam Hansen
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