Looking back at 2013

Happy New Year!  It’s the time to start fresh and set goals for the new year coming up.  But before I look ahead, I’d like to spend some time looking to the past year.

Last year’s goal was to work on letting go of my anxiety, you can read about it here.

” I want to stop looking forward in nervous anticipation for bumps but rather soak in the present and trust that things will work out.  I know to truly accomplish these goals will take a lot of emotional work and dedication to positivity. “

I’m proud to say that I met my goal.  This past year was by far and away one of the best years of my life.  I owe so much of this joy to the arrival of our sweet Josephine Audrey…

A cherished friend and one of my favorite people recently wrote to me, “you look so happy.  Like this is what you’ve been waiting for all along.”  She summed it up perfectly.  Being a mother is truly what I’ve been waiting for. It fulfills me; it challenges me; and it makes my heart explode each and every day.

This past year has been one of comfort.  Josie and I are in a routine.  Most days, I’m there from the moment she makes her first morning coos; through the day of visits to the park and grocery store; to the evening bath and bedtime routine.  To some, that probably sounds mundane.  But to me, it’s been comforting and joyous.  I have embraced the simplicity of it all.

Slowly but surely, I’ve worked on letting go of that anxious grip that was so afraid of the future.  Now, when I think of the future, I think of Josie and all the sweet growing she has ahead.  I think of her walking and talking and observing her sweet personality as it comes forward.

Last year, I said that I still hadn’t come to terms with the infertility and I was feeling bitter about it all.  But, I’m now able to see the blessing in my journey for a child.  At the end of the day, even if it’s a day with lots of grumpiness or tears from my little one, I am overwhelmed with gratitude that she is here.  I look at her life as miraculous and my role as a mother, finally arriving to where I want to be, as the hugest gift I have ever received.  I am grateful for a truly awesome 2013.