Resurrected Moments

This Good Friday, marks four years to the day since my dad passed away.  This is the first time it landed so close to Easter.  I can’t help but think about resurrections and how when we lose people we love, there are amazing tid bits of moments when that person resurrects back into your life through memories.

No matter your religion or believes, when you’ve lost someone you love, there are little flashes of time when you can feel them.  From the simple taste of a wine to the sitting in a certain chair, memories of that person come flooding back.

Four years away, time marches on and sadly the memories begin to fade.  I treasure those resurrected moments more and more.  The times in a loud crowded restaurant, when I’ll hear dad’s signature boisterous laugh; seeing a tan bald man with a huge belly walk along the beach in a speedo; making a connection with a client that her mother grew up with my dad; driving along dazed in traffic, shaken awake as “American Pie” comes on the radio; showing up extremely late to a crowded event only to find a convenient front row parking space; catching a glimpse of a brother doing an exact mannerism of his without even realizing it.  I treasure those resurrected dad moments.

As those of you who know and others who can imagine, it’s not easy to have you first child (or any child) having lost a parent.  It kills me to think how proud dad would be of little Josie.  I can just see him this Easter Sunday showing her off to everyone at church and to our extended family.

I think that we can all believe whatever we like in order to get us through this crazy world.  For me, I strongly believe that Dad met Josie before I did.  That they were hanging out after he left my life and before she came into it.

When I first found out we were pregnant, I remember thinking if it was a boy, I hoped he would resemble the look of my dad so that I could experience more of those resurrected moments.  When we found out we were having a girl, I let go of that idea.  Over the nine months, I was so curious what our little Josie would look like but never was I prepared for that actual moment when I first saw her.  When I laid eyes on her, I was struck by her strong resemblance to my dad.  For the first few seconds, I saw my dad looking at me through my child’s eyes.  It was truly one of the most beautiful, unexpected resurrection moments of my life.

We think Josie has Graham’s nose and mouth and my eyes (which are my dad’s eyes), but she is 100% herself.   I see her and all of her beauty.  However, I’ll be forever grateful for that moment of seeing my dad again and the bit of him that she inherited.

Wishing you a beautiful and happy Easter weekend.